Space force

This Space Force birthday cake is dark and empty, much like space itself

The newest branch of the US military just celebrated its second anniversary with what might just be the saddest cake in the history of warfare.

The cake in question was photographed at the US Space Force Congress anniversary on December 2. This no-frills pastry featured the seal of the Space Force – the Pentagon’s homage to the “Star Trek” universe – along with the words “Happy Birthday.”

Typically, military services hold an elaborate cake-cutting ceremony as part of their anniversary celebrations as a tribute to their traditions and esprit de corps. As the youngest branch of the military, the Space Force is somewhat at a disadvantage since its traditions date back to that pivotal year of 2019.

Always, this reporter attended parting events for ex-employees no one liked that featured more ornate cakes than the one the Space Force got from Congress.

Indeed: instead of inspiring libations for the branch of the military responsible for space, the cake instead establishes a symbolic link between Space Force and the cold, vast void of the cosmos, where no one can hear you sing. “Happy birthday”.

Space Force Chief of Operations Gen. John W. “Jay” Raymond unveils prototype U.S. Space Forces Service Dress at the Air Force Association’s Air, Space and Cyber ​​Conference at National Harbor , Maryland, Sept. 21, 2021. (US Air Force photo by Tech Sgt. Areca T. Wilson)

Footage on the Defense Visual Information Distribution Service, the Army’s Video and Photo Database, shows two more Space Force cake-cutting ceremonies that look as celebratory as they are audited by the ‘IRS.

Altogether, these cake images reveal that the Space Force needs to do a lot more to explain to members of the general public why they should care about the service’s existence.

The Space Force is undoubtedly the least popular branch of the military. The service is tasked with protecting US satellites, which would likely come under attack in the early firings of World War III.

Former President Donald Trump’s decision to create a branch of the military focused exclusively on space as a domain of warfare is arguably one of his administration’s greatest strategic achievements. This put the US military in a much better position to fend off China and Russia, which the Pentagon says could detonate a nuclear weapon in space to destroy US satellites.

Yet when it comes to sounding its own horn, the Space Force is notoriously deaf. The service has opened itself up to ridicule almost every time it tries its best: from its prototype ill-fitting uniforms – which were ridiculed on a recent episode of “South Park” – to its decision to name its members “Guardians,” Space Force’s self-promotion efforts failed fantastically.

This Space Force birthday cake is dark and empty, much like space itself
Major General DeAnna Burt, Commander of Combined Force Space Component Command, is sworn into the US Space Force by Second Lt. Wellington Brookins, a US Space Force officer assigned to the 533rd Training Squadron, during an International Space Day celebration May 7, 2021, Vandenberg Air Force Base, Calif. (US Space Force photo by Michael Peterson)

In May, the Space Force gave an eerie shoutout to Imperial Stormtroopers who were oddly on-brand for a service that appears to have learned the wrong lessons from the star wars trilogy.

Perhaps the Space Force should take a cue from the Marine Corps, which didn’t fail to wonder if it was necessary, but managed to win the admiration of the public, in addition to being able to launch one hell of a birthday party.

But hey, the terrible twos aren’t easy, and unlike other services that have been around for a while, Space Force is just getting started. So, sad cake or not – and that is a very sad cake – wish the new American military branch a very happy birthday, and an even better one next year.

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