Space force

Florida man uses stolen truck to warn Space Force of war between aliens and Chinese dragons

At this point, the supernatural force known as the Florida Man should be put in the same category as the Loch Ness Monster and the Chupacabra. Although countless mortal men have been associated with the acts of Florida Man, the truth behind these repeated occurrences of rampant lawlessness in the Sunshine State is infinitely more supernatural than the media would have you believe.

Florida Man is an ethereal being who can only possess human men somewhere between their fifth shot of vodka and their third violent offense. As an incorporeal entity, Florida Man is privy to a host of obscure knowledge that exists far beyond the scope of human comprehension. Therefore, when Florida Man speaks, we should listen.

When Corey Johnson found himself harboring the celestial energy of Florida Man, he valiantly retained his sanity long enough to share what Florida Man knew. Under Florida Man’s control, Johnson stole a Ford F-150 and drove to the Space Force base in Brevard County to warn them of an impending war. Johnson tried to warn us of a war between aliens and Chinese dragons. Sadly, like Galileo, Johnson was imprisoned for his sweeping observations — and, you know, the whole grand theft auto thing, too.

According to his arrest affidavit, Johnson said President Biden ordered him in his head to steal the truck and drive it to the Space Force base to ‘warn the government’ about ‘American aliens fighting Chinese dragons’. . was sentenced to Brevard County jail, was charged with grand larceny of a motor vehicle. His bail was reportedly set at $3,000.